


this could be louder, louder than you want it to be

by ofself



Category: Good Girls (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Complicated Relationships, Domestic Bliss, F/M, Feelings, Introspection, Parent-Child Relationship, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 18:23:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19256662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofself/pseuds/ofself
Summary: Beth eats breakfast with Rio and Marcus, bathed in the cozy golden light that filters through her kitchen.  However, there is nothing cozy or idyllic about how this situation came to be.





	this could be louder, louder than you want it to be

**Author's Note:**

> I fell into a Good Girls rabbit-hole. And like others, I have so many feelings about Beth and Rio and their messy everything, basically. And they seem to have got me out of a fandom slump since here I am, writing fic about them after a period of two years. Yay!
> 
> I just needed some vaguely domestic fluff with hints of complicated feelings because the s2 finale sucker-punched me, so this is what you get. 
> 
> Title from I Can Be Louder by Unlike Pluto

It's rare for Beth to have a day off to herself, no kids, no work, no laundering etc. It's truly rare but it does come around once in a while. And this weekend, it is that day. Yeah, she has two days to do whatever the fuck she wants.  
  


And all Beth wants to do is sleep it away. Of all the things she misses, a stable sleep schedule is one she misses the most. Though after four kids, there's no such thing as a stable sleep schedule.  
  


The kids are with Dean, visiting his parents and they will be there for the week. Dean is a haphazard father (and husband) but Beth can rest easy knowing that her in-laws are way better than her feckless husband. Well, ex-husband and her kids are in good hands.  
  


Once a upon a time, she really had no clue about what she would do if her carefully crafted world imploded around her. But now that it has, she's beginning to see that sometimes, a carefully created home can become a prison without you realizing it.  
  


And honestly, she's doing just fine. Maybe money laundering isn't the most legal activity to support her family, but so far, it's working out just fine.  
  


At seven o'clock on the dot, she gets out of bed, a habit she can't quite quit. The house is peacefully quiet and if the kids were around, Beth would have had a panic attack by now. Silence and children do not go hand in hand, most of the times.  
  


She lazily pads downstairs, luxuriating in the silence of it all. It's a treat to enjoy her morning coffee and eat ice cream and cookies for breakfast.  
  


But of course, the silence is too good to last. The quiet of the morning is broken by the shrill sound of her phone. Beth groans and thumps her head down on the table before dutifully answering the phone.  
  


Of course, it's no one else but Rio, the one person who seems to be able to get her flustered no matter what the reason, be it holding a gun up to her temple, or leering down at her like she was some exotic snack.  
  


"I thought you said there was nothing scheduled this weekend." Beth tries hard not to sound surly but its a little hard when she hasn't even finished her coffee as yet.  
  


"Yeah, Mami, about that. I need a favor. I'll be over in 10." Rio drawls through the phone and Beth wrinkles her forehead in irritation. It would probably kill him to communicate using actual, proper, coherent words. She clears away the table and morosely settles down at the kitchen island. Ideally, she would have made herself a little more presentable, but the who the hell is she impressing? Certainly not Rio of all people. He's welcome to see her in her ratty old shorts and t-shirt, hair a mess and sleep creases along her cheeks.  
  


Beth very well knows who she is. A mother of four who's well out of her league but somehow getting by through the skin of her teeth. She's fairly certain Rio only continues to work with her, Ruby and Annie because he's amused by this whole situation. Suburban subterfuge, nothing quite like it.  
  


She's also well aware that once he's no longer amused, he will have no problem tossing them to the wolves and going his on way.  
  


Which is why she should probably also look for an alternate career while she can if she wants to retain custody of the kids.  
  


True to his word, Rio shows up and even though Beth knew he was coming, she's still startled to see him at the door. He has a nasty habit of slinking into places and owning them. This is Beth's house but when Rio is here, she feels like a stranger in her own house.  
  


And furthermore, he's not alone.

-

“Elizabeth. Mornin'. Slept well?” Rio looks perfect as always, dressed and composed. Beth suddenly wishes she had put on a bathrobe at least. His eyes rake her up and down and Beth feels even more conscious of her ordinariness. Something in Rio's gaze pricks at her.  
  


“What do I need to do?” Beth comes away from the island, squaring her shoulders and summoning every ounce of self-possession she does not have.  
  


Rio smirks before setting down his sleeping son on the couch. Beth is confused. So confused. It's not like him to bring his kid along to work. Hell, it's not like him to show that he has a life outside of his work.  
  


“I need you to take care of Marcus for awhile. He's got a fever and cold but I've got the crew at home, takin' care of stuff and I don't want him to be disturbed. I thought this would be a good place, yeah?” Rio gestures at her and her house before setting down a small duffel bag that should ostensibly be filled with Marcus's things.  
  


Beth is flummoxed. Of all people, why her?  
  


“But why?” Is all she can muster.  
  


“Take good care of him yeah?” Rio walks up to her and traces a hand down her cheek, running his thumb along the pillow crease.  
  


Beth nods, too dumbfounded to do anything else other than agree.  
  


Rio smirks at her, a little different from his usual smug smirk, a little soft, a little amused and something else she cannot quite identify.Or maybe she does not want to identify.  
  


He goes like he came, quietly and without Beth realizing. Marcus is now snoring softly on the couch. Maybe she should shift him onto a bed? Or she can keep him here and keep an eye on him as she catches up with the chores. She tucks a pillow under his head and covers him up with a throw that she uses when the kids nap on the couch. He looks very much like Rio, and yet like nothing like him as well. He's the part of Rio that Beth rarely gets to access. Soft and young. Warm.  
  


Beth strokes his hair out of his face and checks for his temperature. He's a little warm. Maybe when he wakes up, he can eat something and take medicine.  
  
  
 _Does he have any allergies I need to be careful about?_ She taps out a text to Rio as she contemplatively adjusts the throw around his small body.  
  


_Nah. You can give him children's aspirin. He don't like taking it though. Gotta tell him a story so that he will._   
  


Beth smiles down at her phone. She cannot imagine Rio telling Marcus a story that encourages him to take his medicine. It's cute and domestic. Two words she cannot associate with Rio. Maybe he is those things, but not when with her. Or the others.  
  


She slowly putters around the kitchen, cleaning up the counter top and cleaning through the fridge as well. Housework has taken even more of a backseat ever since her descent into a life of crime.  
  


Marcus sleeps through it all and Beth hums as she gets through her chores. Of all the things she expected about Rio, a child would not be on the list. But it makes sense, he too has a life. His work may revolve around crime, but his personal life may quite be something else. Take her, Annie, and Ruby for example. On the surface, all three of them very average suburban moms, one who is married to a cop no less, and yet here they are, laundering money.  
  


She's just about done when she hears a small hoarse cough and a tiny voice rasp, “ Ms. 'Lizbeth?”  
  


Beth sets down her duster and hurries around the counter to come up to the couch. Marcus is awake and bleary-eyed.  
  


“Hi Marcus! You're awake.” Beth gently greets him as she crouches down next to him.  
  


“I feel bad,” Marcus grouses pitifully. Beth touches his forehead and finds that the poor child is running a fever.  
  


“How about some breakfast then?” Beth suggest cheerfully.  
  


“I don't wanna,” Marcus cries, cheeks flushing and okay, Beth has got this. She gets onto the couch and takes Marcus into her arms. His arms automatically wind around her neck and his warm face pushes into the crook of her neck. She run a soothing hand down his back and holds him close. She can hear his breathing even out as his sniffles slowly come down and god, Beth wishes it were this easy to deal with Rio. But Rio is a whole another ball game. Inscrutable, full of secrets, and somehow constantly ten steps beyond them.  
  


She lets Marcus cry for a little while longer, marveling at the ease at which he adapts to being in a new person's house. Her own kids are not this well-behaved. And that's another point of contention for Beth. Next she knows, she will have to find out how to Rio deals with fractious children. But then again, dealing with one cute monster sounds a lot easier than dealing with four cute, rampaging, hungry monsters.  
  


She hears a slight noise behind her and gets up, Marcus still snuggled in her arms, only to find Rio looking at the two of them with something she does not want to name. There are emotions she equates with Rio in her head. Soft and warm are not two of them.  
  


And yet, its there in his eyes, clear as day, for her to see.  
  
  
Beth does not know how to deal with this. Dealing with this would mean dealing with whatever is in between them. And there's no way to deal with that, unless she wants her entire life to crumble around her.  
  


“He was uh, crying.” Beth explains, holding onto Marcus a little tighter. This is her security blanket right now.  
  


“Yeah, he don't do well with colds.” He smiles enigmatically, coming close enough to bridge the distance and yet making Beth feel like she's been swallowed whole by his very presence.  
  


“I'll -” Beth gestures towards Rio, mimes handing over Marcus. But Rio edges away a little, easy and smooth.  
  


“Nah, hold on to him. I'll fix breakfast.” Rio walks towards the kitchen counter and Beth suddenly feels a ripple of panic run through her. Are her counter tops clean enough? Rio does not know where things are! She will have to tell him. She will have to – her train of thought stops right in its tracks. Rio moves around her kitchen like he's been there many times before. He finds the things he needs to cook breakfast, takes out ingredients from the fridge and all Beth can do is watch, somehow amazed, but also not really. There's a gift Rio has, the ability to seamlessly fit himself into any space, even if he does not look like he belongs at first glance.  
  


This is her home, her domain and has been so for so many years. Rio looks just at ease here as he does outside in dark enclosed spaces. Beth is the one who feels like a stranger in her own house.  
  


Well, not exactly a stranger. But she has trouble identifying this new version of her. A woman who's taking care of her business partner's kid for a while something sketchy is going on at his house. As per usual, Rio did not give her much details. But Beth can gauge this much. No matter how sick Marcus is, Rio does not want him to be around for whatever is happening. Beth can empathize with that.  
  


She comes up to Rio, who's frying eggs and a rash of bacon on one side and getting toast done on the other.  
  


“How do you like your eggs, ma?” He smiles at her, mouth lifted at one corner, attractive but also infuriating and Beth fumbles to answer.  
  


“Sunny side-up,” she offers, conscious of the fact that this is so very domestic. The two of them and kids. If Beth were a more romantic creature, this fantasy would have gotten well away from her. But romance got her nothing but a deadbeat husband and a fuck ton of debt, so she's not going down that road again. Besides, Rio does not seem like the person who settles down for blissful domesticity.  
  


She leans against the counter and watches Rio make methodical work of fixing breakfast. The air around them is electric. Marcus has settled down and she hoists him a little, acutely aware of Rio cataloging her every move, his eyes raking the length of her. Gods knows what he is thinking, but Beth wishes she had the armor of Ruby and Annie beside her. So that even is she's dressed in her most threadbare of her jammies, this situation would feel more evenly keeled.  
  


As always, Rio completely disturbs the power dynamic of a room. Something about him that upsets metaphorical apple-carts and makes a pool of heat curl low in Beth's belly while also simultaneously sending alarm bells blaring.  
  


“You can set him down. Don't need to carry him.” Rio offers, quiet and thoughtful, pulling Beth out of her own thoughts.  
  


“It's okay. I think he wants to be held. He was napping on the couch before and woke up crying sometime ago.” Beth shrugs, as much as she possibly can with an armful of sleeping child. As if to substantiate her answer, Marcus stirs a little, only to assume the adorable octopus position of clinging to her even more securely.  
  


“He likes you,” Rio grins at her. Beth is taken aback by how genuine the emotion is. She feels like she can count on one hand the amount of times Rio displays what he's truly feeling, other than anger of course. He has absolutely no problems doing that.  
  


“I like him too,” she offers, with a warm smile of her own. Rio shakes his head and looks away and Beth awkwardly settles down at the counter. At which point do emotions become too much?  
  


“Breakfast is ready.” Rio sets a plate before her, a plate for Marcus and a plate for himself. She notices that he too prefers his eggs like her. There's orange juice for the both of them and a cup of warm milk for Marcus.  
  


Beth gently shakes awake Marcus. “Honey, it's time to eat. Your daddy is here.” The term of endearment slips out before Beth can think twice and she avoids the burning gaze of Rio's eyes.  
  


This is nothing.  
  


“Yeah Pops. I'm here. You gotta wake up.” Rio drawls next to her and Marcus groggily opens his eyes at the sound of Rio's voice. He immediately perks up upon seeing his father and Beth hands him over to Rio.  
  


Rio settles him down on his lap and what follows is a moment that makes Beth's heart twist cruelly. Rio places a kiss on Marcus's forehead before feeding him some toast.  
  


Beth flushes and gets up from the counter, earning her a questioning look from Rio.  
  


“I just need to get _uh_ \- I need to- _uh_ , I need to get my phone.” She mumbles, quickly walking away in the direction of the couch, not clocking the assessing gaze Rio turns towards her, at turns gentle, at turns heated, at turns exasperated.  
  


Beth takes a moment to compose herself before she gets back to the counter. This is all a sham but all the same, it's a very cozy and idyllic sham.  
  


Still there's no harm in living in this moment for now. Beth knows all too well about illusions and how the break. If you know something is a illusion, then when it breaks, you don't really hurt do you? You simply move on, cataloging it as another part of your life, a fragmented memory to be savoured some other day.  
  


“Your husband is a damn fool,” Rio offers, eyes dark and hooded.  
  


Beth's breath stutters before she squares her shoulder. “His loss,” she offers before transferring some egg and toast to her mouth.  
  


And really, it is his loss. Because after decades, Beth is finding out how it is live again. It's not all perfect, but at least it's not all humdrum.  
  


“You look good in those jammies.”  
  


Beth turns to frown at him, surprised and a little sad to see regular Rio back. His eyes are alight with mirth, mouth turned up in a inscrutable smile, emotions once again under lock down.  
  


In a moment of pure childishness, Beth sticks out her tongue at him and wrinkles her nose, earning her a surprised bark of laughter.  
  


She smiles down into her plate, missing the soft, almost fond gaze that passes over her, that comes and goes as quick as a flash.  
  


You don't miss what you don't know. Just like you don't look for what you think does not exist.

**Author's Note:**

> How to scrub the s2 finale from my mind? Why are Beth and Rio so shippable and yet so messy? I want answers!


End file.
